AJ Lewis Poetry, Poems: Listening To The Earth (from "The Journey Of The Spirit")

the wind has come up around me,
rearranging the sky
and dragging the clouds and the sun west.
now there is an orange glow behind the Camelback mountains.

I have been pacing along
a brick walkway,
though the piles of dried mulberry leaves
cracking in a fine brown and
yellow.

this pacing has put my mind at ease.

it has refocused my scope.

today I have been writing about being
introspective and inpatient and
how frustrating it is that I feel guilty about using my time for
this (I still haven’t found a job).
you see, the last few years I have been alone
and I know that I have brought this upon myself by
not taking control.

but knowing doesn’t mean that I can be free of this.
                                        it will take more.

all conflict aside, though, it is relaxing to
watch the clouds as the wind swathes my body;
there is a freedom about the whole
experience.

I know
that to discover why certain events have unfolded in my life
the way that they have
and why I have had the losses
that I have had

may take many years.

yet, to be innocent again
                                        would be nice.

to let go
                                        would be nice.

and to have a moment
to feel that this life could be
simple

                                         would be damn nice.

today I will have to settle,
I suppose, and I will have to wonder
if it is possible to make this change
in me
as I have lived it
in her.