AJ Lewis Poetry, Poems: Just Living (from "Disarming The Atom Bomb")

I have been swallowing vodka like a fish
and sitting here at 4am
staring at the TV
and this guy is on there
open bible on the desk
telling me how
Jesus will save me
if...

lately I have been playing video games like
some sort of
zombie
and sleeping during the day when I can.

I bought this book on the science of meditation
and I thumbed through it noting
the relevance
and the
lack of it.

I've read the bible
cover to cover
and studied it for years
and this guy on the TV
has his own interpretations
and facts
to prove how he is going to help save
me.

hell,
this is just living;
this is just fucking
living.

and there are people so lost and
there are people so right and
there are people asleep.
and all of my studying of the bible
and all of my understanding
and lack of it,
I am just living
like

you

you

you

so do you care what I have to say?
have I amused you?
entertained you?

I have learned that
knowing doesn't justify anything and
learning doesn't make you a master of
anything.
the only thing that you can be a master of in this life is
yourself.

and I am typing this out of me to
disarm my atom bomb
to get to the core of me
to save me to
master
me.

now this guy on the TV has more facts to prove his
interpretations
of his truth of the
bible.
and I am happy for him
and others
because this is just living
and that is why we are here:
to
live

and I am just here
in my own way
disarming my atom bomb
and trying to
fucking
live.