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Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A Tragedy Of The Heart (from "A Slip Of The Tongue")
I never really open up to a person
unless I trust a person, and when this happens a kind of diarrhea of my soul drowns us both, revealing parts of me that are inclusive to my inner workings. it is intense and it is honest and sometimes even a bit exaggerated, and nothing momentarily feels as good as getting empathy from a person whose attention you've taken for an afternoon chat at a restaurant or a 2am conversation on the phone. I used to talk to this girl about spirituality, religion, the occult, poetry, music and sometimes even about "us." she was a good listener and at some points in our dating I think she genuinely cared about me. I remember a conversation I had with her back in 1996. God, that was not a good year for me - too much of everything; which seemed to fit so well with our conversation of how we would belong together in the future ah yes, ignorance is bliss. I have heard this tired cliché too many times, and ironically it fit me so well then as love was a simple thing for me to understand, never having taken that into me. and so I blindly put it into her, making love, thinking that's what it was, milking the ecstasy, and believing the fantasy of being together forever. did it last forever? no. I have re-lived it a hundred times: going back, making wrong decisions, trying to make it right, battling the carelessness of being young, until I was sick of it all, replaying it over-and-over in my mind: cringing, hating, regretting, losing sleep, and all of it caused because of those tempting moments of our passion. this, I have come to know, is the tragedy of the heart. once I took myself into her I don't think that I have ever come back into myself.
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Selected PoetryListening To The Earth (from "The Journey Of The Spirit") the wind has come up around me, rearranging the sky and dragging the clouds and the sun west. ... (more) Most Of Us (from "A Slip Of The Tongue") span style="font-family:arial;" will never know what it is like to have a million dollars. ... (more) A Letter To Raphael (from "A Slip Of The Tongue") I never claimed to be a poet, a romantic, a healer ... (more) Syndicate rss atom Copyright © 2006 - 2009 by AJ Lewis Previous Posts
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