Disarming the Atom Bomb

Disarming the Atom Bomb is a short collection of poetry with one central idea: how I dealt with the biggest loss of my life. It is a story that is told from beginning to end through poetry. You will be put right in the middle of my life. You will be pulled back and forth through past and present to experience some of my saddest regrets. You will see the darkness and despair in me as I go deeper into myself. Fear and anger will be your guide as you move through these pages until finally you reach the end: the ticking atom bomb, waiting to explode.

Yet, it is only a singular hope that saves me. It prevents my atom bomb from going off.

It is the chance to change me, as only I have the power to do that.

Only I can disarm the atom bomb in me.

Hopefully, this book can help you find a way to disarm the atom bomb in you too.


68 pages, 6″ x 9″, perfect binding, cream interior paper (60# weight), black and white interior ink, white exterior paper (100# weight), full-color exterior ink

First Edition, Copyright 2010

Table of Contents

  • Turn The Heat Down
  • About My Past Jobs
  • It’s Still Dark Outside
  • Just Living
  • How It Is
  • Numb As It comes
  • True, Maybe
  • It Was Bound To Happen
  • Speech Therapy Class
  • How She Left
  • Piss Test
  • The Singular Poem
  • What Did They Expect
  • 5th Grade
  • For Elizabeth
  • Second Wind
  • Just Cruisin’
  • How To Disarm The Atom Bomb

Selected Poetry

True, Maybe

I needed an outlet to get
the truth of me
out of me
so I purchased a little journal
and filled the pages with my experiences and my
confessions and my
inner thoughts.

it was revealing
too revealing
and it frightened me
how honest and to the point
I had

so I lit three candles and
to visit the inner parts of me
and I found





and I was afraid that if I changed myself
to better myself that I would
lose myself.

becoming a different person
as I saw it
happens this way.

after my meditation
I took the journal outside
and began tearing the pages out
and I threw them into a bucket
and I lit a match
and I watched the flames lick
and lick
and lick
at my words.

when it was over
I realized that all I had written
was for nothing
and that we are all meant for this end.

I stopped writing shortly after that
and it would be years before I would start writing

I think that at some point in our life
we have all reinvented

and what is true
is in us
as we change and
as we grow.

I had to stop writing to find my voice again.
and I had to find a better way
to become the man that
I am

and I wonder sometimes
how many of us have burned a past
to make a

The Singular Poem

I have written many poems
in myself
without words or
paper or
I have been
happy and
lost and
I have spent the afternoons trying to figure the clouds
and the nights waiting by candle light.
the poem will happen in you:
it will build and
and the words will become
the page of

I am the poem
the singular poem
and now I sit here in this apartment
by myself
my wife and children and family now long removed
hitting keys
trying to make sense of this
becoming the
singular poem

the rain comes
the days come
and all I have are these memories
as I stare out this window
as I stare into the future of my life

and you said I was a terrible person
deep in the darkness

but I always imagined myself surrounded by golden light
above it all
like the clouds




the dream
the better person for all of you

but I am the poem now

and I must move on.

Just Cruisin’

sometimes there’s nothing like
putting the top down
letting the wind mess through your hair
the radio playing your song
and you’re
just cruising’

you pass by your old neighborhood
by an old yellow bus going the opposite way
the scattered clouds working your imagination
the sunny weather like old first times
and you’re
just cruisin’

ahhh like first times, it all makes sense and it all feels good,
and you couldn’t get it more right as you drive away now:
a lost love, a lost job
whirling by and gone in a colorful panorama

but you know it
you know it now:
this, a first moment, a perfect moment
as you turn the radio up and hit the pedal
as you break through
as you smile

because you’re just cruisin’
you’re just cruisin’